positivity

sometimes i cant keep up with my own mind. its mood swings really are giving me whiplash.

how i feel about life, people and myself is changing at an almost daily rate. yesterday i was being followed by a dark cloud that covered everything in a dperessing mist, but today, after reading Rachaels latest blog posts and sitting in the sunshine i've developed an entirely new outlook. 

i make these little promises to myself all the time...things like "this term im going to put everything i have into my work" or " today im not going to let anything annoy me" but i know, deep down that i wont be able to keep these. it only takes one thing to happen...one person to say the wrong thing, one bad or boring lecture and my resolve just crumbles.

i know i shouldnt let these things get me down, but they do. theres been a lot of things going wrong for me recently, and its getting harder to shrug them off, but i know i can always rely on my friends to keep be going.
jasmine's sheer stubborness and love keeps me supported, in check and on the rails, rachaels pure insanity is always a good remedy for the monday morning blues and vicky's unwavering loyalty and concern mean i always know theres someone outside of my uni bubble that cares and worries about me, so i never have to feel isolated.

i dont know how i would have survived as long as i have without my wonderful wives. i owe you, each and every one of you, a large amount of gratitude and love. 

                so, today IS going to be a positive day, because i know that no matter how bad things are, i have you guys to pick me up again.

                         i love you

module choices...possibly THE most pointless stress faced so far..

last week, after eavesdropping on a conversation between beth and her friend, i find out the Module Choice Forms are available for printing on sharepoint.
of course, straight away my brain turned to a substance resembling a newspaper left in a puddle, due largely to prolonged exposure to an  Archaeology Lecture.
after being reminded again about them earlier this week and printing it out, i look it over and *instantly* my stomach drops. my core modules are dissinteresting and my optional modules all make me wish i was that newspaper.....
so i hmmm and i ahhhh for the best part of this week, and *fanfare please* i made a decision!

so..next year ive subjected myself to Themes In British Pre-History and Analytical Techniques in Forensic Biology...as well as a 5 week archaeological dig for part credit....
that wasnt so hard right?...
only, now i'm hoping i made the right choices..and im hoping i actually *like* what i picked...
and on top of everything else, i find out that one of my module tutors (who have to sign the form) isnt in today or tomorrow.....so....how am i going to get both signatures before tomorrow afternoon?!
                       seriously?!

im going to have to leave the form with the H&A department recetpion
                                                 and pray....

the pure oddness that is a 2am conversation....

2 am is a really magical time of day. everyone is too tired to make sense. some of my most interesting memories happened at 2 am....this night was no different. i was laying thinking and chatting to Jas about nothing in particular when she began to question my train of thought so in an attempt to explain it, we managed to start a long and complicated thread. after we had finished, and Jas was tucked up a-sleepin' i thought to write an account of the whole surreal buisness so as not to forget it...

"I am actually starting to worry about the way my brain works, and Jas's willingness to go along with it all.

After a half hour conversation about hair thieves and why they would want to steal toothpaste; toast and tomatoes were introduced into the scenario.

Upon further reflection and additional enquiries it was established that the people stealing toast had stumps for arms as they are so poor they sold their hands and their elbows for money, which they gambled away. And in fact, they are so poor they cannot afford clothing or any help other than their dogs, which have been trained to steal the bread. It was also found out that the tomatoes were in the form of ketchup because they couldn’t afford jam…. I suggested that they go and make jam from fruit, and while I felt that this was a plausible scenario, Jas reminded me that they could not afford a garden in which to grow said fruit. It was this tangent that revealed the characters disabilities, as when I suggested that they just go walking and pick local fruits, she divulged that they were disabled and therefore could not go walking. My solution to this was for them to drag themselves along and collect fruit in baskets tied to their backs…. although I was sharply reminded that they could not afford baskets.

These characters seem to me to be very unfortunate. I asked how they have survived so long and apparently, they’re meagre existence is owed entirely to the bread and ketchup (ketchup because they do not know the taste of real tomatoes). I offered that perhaps butter on the toast would add to the nutritional value of their one and only meal and it transpires that they are all severely lactose intolerant and any speck of butter would kill them instantly.

I am not sure how this conversation became so surreal, or in fact why it started in the first place, but what I do know is that this sort of conversation is becoming more and more frequent, and I’m not sure whether I should be glad that I’ve found someone willing to play along with my random trains of thoughts, or worried about how involved she was getting with the whole situation..."
after a lot of consideration i think I’ll stick with the former, it makes me feel a little better about my general brain activity xD

musings and a little backfill

okay, so its been a while since i last had the time to write or anything i deemed interesting enough to write about. its over halfway through the second term at uni, and everything is much the same as it has been, lectures (not enough of them, to be quite honest. i have too much free time and its making me less interested in actually going to the ones i have...), the occasional night out to fiesta havana or off the wall for cocktails. perhaps one of the best nights out was when Rach came to visit for a couple weeks. after a slightly sticky break up i thought she could do with a couple weeks distraction. it was good to have her around, but after the first week i came to the pretty solid conclusion that i could not live with her, at least not without contemplating an in depth complicated homicide xD

i practically live in Jasmines room, other than when i get locked out if she's in lectures or something. 

theres a couple of people ive become quite close to, and in fact, we're living with them next year, it'll be an interesting experiment to see how they cope with living with me XP

i like it up here, but i do miss home. i miss last summer most of all. the parties, the people, the sunshine, the park..everything. i occasionally get sad thinking about how i wish it was still last summer, when the only thing i needed to worry about was moving away. 

now i have to think about grades, and making sure i dont say the wrong things to my house mates, and money..oh the money...its amazing how Liquid money truely is. the first week of term my bank account looks really...really..sexy :D but by about this time in the term, im eyeing up the 7p, slightly spoiled cabbages just to save money.
gernerally, however, im feeling good about life. im making progress with my course, and i know what i want to do when i finish here. as a person i think im doing better as well. im a little more comfortable with who i am and everything im doing. i know all i have to do is have a little faith in myself and in the universe and i know that things will eventually work out. maybe i'll even get my "ideal future" as Rach put it :)